Submitted by: Jason Harwood (mate and fellow 80’s fashion icon)

The famous “nest” story. One we insisted he told when ever we were drunk.

Will guess at 1995. Trading desk at Merrill with Me, Munf and Briggsy (no wonder banks are now in trouble!). Knowing Briggsy was due his morning constitutional, Munf went off to trap 2 with the paper under his arm. There he proceeded to take his best shot at his biggest shit he’d ever done, but had taken the time and laid half a roll of loo paper in the pan first and laid said shit over the paper. The “nest” as was later known.

Without wiping (don’t ask) he didn’t flush but just shut the lid and noticing other traps busy, ran back to the desk. There he found Briggsy “touching cloth” waiting for the newspaper relay. Off Briggsy went upon which Munf told the whole desk of the trap that he had quite literally just laid. We then waited for Briggsy to return hoping that he had sprung the trap. He said nothing for a few mins. Munf couldn’t wait.

“Nice dump?” Said Munf.

” Yeah” said briggsy…….. “But u never guess what some animal had done”. Bingo !!

The whole desk roared with laughter for several minutes. We were actually crying. The boss then returned (a very straight American guy). “Hey what’s so funny?” he asks. Briggsy tells him. The Boss didn’t find it nearly as funny as the rest of the desk!

This particular party trick became a favourite of Munfs which I was on the receiving end of several times over the following years when ever we roomed together. He always found it hilarious. Very odd but so did I !!!

Submitted by: Michael Corbett (Brother)

I was around 13 years old when I some how convinced my mother that it would be a good idea to let me go to Brixton Academy (on a school night as well) to see Dee-Lite play a set. I’d like to think that it was because she trusted me, as I was a sensible child but, in hindsight, she let me go with a friend who could be a bit mouthy* to Brixton, at night, so I have to assume she was testing my survival skills. Anyway, as the gig would finish late (actually, she might have been trying to get me bumped off, the more I think about this), I was to stay at Casa Corbett in Wapping, at that time inhabited by Joe “Hi, Joe Corbett here” Corbett, and the hero of the piece, Fingers.

We filtered out of the venue and somehow managed to get in to a black cab, despite my friend John’s best efforts to get us a good old fashioned shoeing from the local roughs. As the cab pulled up outside the flat in Wapping, I saw Fingers getting out of another black cab just in front of us. I also noticed that his shirt was ripped open, his knuckles looked bruise, and he had a very pleased look on his face.

It turns out that Fingers had managed to convince a bouncer at one of the nightclubs he’d been at to order a taxi for himself and the people he was out with. He was told that the taxi had arrived, and that it was parked down a side alley. Ever helpful, he bounded off to collect it and bring it back to pick the rest of the group up (I suspect he bounded in the style of a drunken monkey, a walk he did particularly well). As he arrived at the car, he heard some shouting, and a group walked up to him.

“Oii!! That’s our cab!!” Shouted one girl at funky Fingers.

“Erm, it isn’t, I’ve just ordered it from the club. It’s mine, I’m taking it”.

The girl clearly took this as a challenge.

“If you try to take that cab, I’m gonna slap you in the face”. A threat indeed.

“Bovvered” came his reply, and he went to get in to the cab.

True to her word, she slapped Andrew in the face. Realising that there wasn’t much he could do to her, his only option was to discuss it further with the lady in question’s boyfriend. And when I say discuss, I mean punch in the face. Oddly, the girl took offence to Fingers laying out her boyfriend so easily, so she slapped him again, and then ripped his shirt (Andrew, not the boyfriend, he was already having a shocker without her help). This delay gave the boyfriend just enough time to get back to his feet before Fingers, like a disco dancing Bruce Lee, “discussed” him again. The boyfriend didn’t get back up this time (erm, I’m sure he did eventually though), and Andrew jumped into the cab, happy with his evening’s work.

 (*and he didn’t let himself down on that front that night, but that’s a different story).

Submitted By: Liam Corbett (Brother)

For those that don’t know (I’m assuming that’s no one), Andrew’s love for West Ham was second only to that for his family, and maybe a few choice friends. He insisted that they were the best team around, despite the evidence to the contrary. So this particular event was a once in a lifetime for him.

Andrew pretending that West Ham had won something

Me, Jim and Fingers went to a West Ham vs Sunderland game at the end of a season and before hand, he wanted to put a bet on. He found what he thought was a corker, Trevor Sinclair to score first and West Ham to win 3-0. The 40-1 odds wouls have seen him pick up a cool £800 for his £20 investment.

However, there were no betting slips available and kick off was fast approaching. After being told they were trying to get some in but it could take 5 minutes, Fingers decided that he’d rather see the start of the game than hang around for a 40-1 long shot. So he took his seat for kick off – and glad he was too, as Joe Cole scored very very early on, much to Fingers’ relief. Good decision not to wait for the betting slip.

But the linesman had other ideas and wrongly (it turned out) disallowed the goal. And everyone can probably guess what happened next.

Trevor Sinclair (wearer of Andrew’s favourite number 8 shirt) scored the opening goal. He celebrated but it was a little subdued. Surely this wouldn’t happen. West Ham then made it 2-0 “I don’t believe this” and Andrew’s celebration was even more low key.

Sure enough, the Hammers then stormed into a 3-0 lead much to Fingers’ disgust, but with 15 minutes to go, there was still hope that the score line would change. It was at this point that Sunderland got clean through and me and Jim saw a sight that we never thought we’d ever see – Fingers wanting the opposition to score. “Go on, go on, GO ON” – only for the West Ham keeper David James, to make a great save. “Noooooo!!”. From the resulting corner, Sunderland then hit the crossbar – which was greeted with a swear word from Fingers. Once again, Fingers was gutted that West Ham hadn’t conceded.

In the final minute, West Ham broke clear, only for Joe Cole (again – he didn’t score that season), miss a simple chance to make it 4-0. West Ham had played really well, and won 3-0. Fingers was absolutely gutted!!